Of Dread and Pizza
by Notoyax17
Summary: It creeps and crawls and destroys all in its path. C.C. has officially met her match. If being clean is all it takes to save them, she certainly will be...slightly...from now on. Crack fic. Please read!


**Sorry for the delay with Vindication of an Evil Angel. I plan to put it up tomorrow. This story was already thought up and I've been wanting to put it on for a while now. Enjoy.**

**This is for all you crazy people who don't believe in monsters under the bed.**

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Lelouch sighed softly as he entered his and C.C.'s room. Or rather, C.C.'s room that he happened to stay in. Sure, he owned the base. Sure, the room had his _name_ (Zero) on it. But what did mere _technicalities_ like matter in the face of a single constant: He lacked the strength to do anything about it.

So when he entered their room and was greeted with several pizza boxes strewn about the room, he wasn't surprised. Merely irked. He pushed a box in his way aside with the toe of his boot.

"Can't you throw these away? Or at least stack them?" he asked the witch in annoyance. C.C. looked up from her seat on the bed, Cheese-kun in her lap and sauce-tainted cheese trailing from her lips to the half eaten slice in her hand.

"Why? If I wait long enough, you'll just do it anyway." She answered. The prince glowered from beneath his trademark mask. His eyes shifted to the boxes that were _everywhere_. No! Not again! He wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

And so, with renewed confidence, Zero took 3 steps forward. And stopped. His whole body shuddered in disgust. He lifted his right leg to stare at the…the GUNK that covered his once polished boots. C.C. hid her smirk behind Cheese-kun but didn't bother to suppress the soft chuckle. Lelouch's head shot up to glare bloody F.L.E.I.J.A. bombs at her.

He slowly set his foot back down, determined to make this work. He took the last 12 steps it took to get to the bed, slightly cringing with each subsequent _squish_. He finally reached the bed and sat down, back straight and body calm on the outside. On the inside he felt violated; she might as well have sodomized him. At least he'd have an excuse for the long shower he would be taking later. C.C. clapped from behind him.

"I'm impressed. I really didn't think you'd make it all the way." Lelouch let out a slow calming breath before taking off his mask. He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes, holding the mask to his chest with both hands clasped lightly over it. He could stay like this. If he didn't see it, it wasn't there.

"You know, it really isn't as bad as you make it out to be." C.C. soothed, if you could call that soothing. Lelouch rolled closed eyes and turned his head away from her voice.

"We're going to get insects. If not rodents." He muttered. C.C. smirked slightly, _"That would be entertaining." _She thought.

C.C. reached out and began to gently stroke his hair with her clean hand. Her eyes skimmed the room. Okay, even she had to admit this was a bit much. She felt a pang of guilt. If he wasn't at school, he was here with the Black Knights. He barely even had time for his sister. She supposed it couldn't hurt to at least toss all the boxes to one corner of the room. You know, keep it neat.

"Sorry." She murmured quietly. Lelouch opened his eyes and looked up at her. He smiled warmly and closed his eyes again. Thank GOD! He had not been looking forward to another argument.

The eleventh prince sat up and sized up the room. If he wanted to stay on schedule he would need to start cleaning now.

"Oh dear lord…" C.C. murmured. Lelouch turned to give her a raised eyebrow. She was staring at something past him with a mixture of curiosity and horror. Violet eyes widened. He grabbed the witch by the shoulder and shook her slightly.

"C.C, C.C. What is it?!" He asked. She let out a short panicked chuckle.

"We have a problem. A… pest problem." Lelouch turned several shades of white. Crap! He swallowed thickly and forced himself to turn around slowly to see… nothing. He scowled and was about to give that _witch_ a piece of his mind when he saw it.

It moved slowly, almost sloth-like, across the carpeted ground. It passed over one of C.C.'s socks and stalled for a few seconds before moving on, the sock gone. A… a…slice of PIZZA had eaten a sock! Lelouch blanched and immediately pulled his legs up onto the bed, forgetting in his haste the mess on his right boot.

"Holy shit." He hissed. He put a hand over his eyes and took a couple deep breaths. Okay think. Obviously there's something UNDER the pizza using it as a cover. …Which wasn't exactly comforting.

THUMP!

The prince blinked in confusion. He looked over at the pizza to see it under a pocket-sized hardcover book. C.C. must have thrown it. The creature stilled and both sighed in relief.

Until it shifted. And shifted, slowly pulling itself from under the book. If that wasn't frightening enough, the pizza lifted itself slightly to cover to book, performing the same magic trick it had with the sock.

Even C.C. paled this time.

Lelouch darted to the head of the bed and reached into the nightstand. He took a 2 guns and tossed one to C.C.

BANG! BANG! BANGBANGBANG!

Several dozen heads shot up in surprise. Someone was shooting in _here?!_

"What the hell was that?" Kallen asked tensely, eyes darting around for signs of danger.

"It came from Zero-sama's room." Todou barked, darting off in that direction with Kallen and no less than 8 other members of the Black Knights on his tail.

They came to a halt before the room. The gunfire had stopped. Todou tried the doorknob. Locked.

"Zero-sama! What's going on?! Are you alright?" Kallen called.

"Thank God!" the female voice shouted from within.

"Break down the door and kill it already!" came the male voice. The knights shot each other confused or amused glances. _IT?_

Kallen took a deep breath and kicked down the door. The metal banged open. Their leader and his 2nd in command were found standing on the bed against the wall, with C.C. still wielding an empty gun. Kallen's eyes darted around looking for the cause of their alarm.

"There!" C.C. barked, "The pizza." Everyone turned to look at the now still thick slice of pizza that the green-haired woman had pointed to.

"…Seriously?" Tamaki asked with a choked laugh, "You guys are scared of THAT?" he was bent over now, laughing manically. The others just looked at the pizza with expressions of wariness or amusement.

"That thing ATE MY GUN!" Zero barked.

Silence. Kallen stepped forward slowly, gun now in hand and fired a warning shot just to the left of the pizza. Nothing. Then, as if shocked, it spun around and begun moving towards her at frightened cockroach. Half the hall screamed in horror and Kallen slammed the door shut.

"Don't leave us in here with it!" both shouted from within. Kallen took a couple steps away from the door and shot Todou (one of the few that hadn't screamed) a pleading look. He nodded and stepped to the door with stoic calm, drawing his sword. The knights cheered for their hero.

Todou reopened the door. Before he could lose his nerve, he quickly located the pizza and stabbed it through. The crunch and clang of metal going through metal was cringe-inducing. Zero and C.C. relaxed against the wall.

"Shit…" Todou murmured. Heads shot to look at the man. Since when did he curse? The air darkened with dread. Most simply turned away, not will to have their fears confirmed. Zero, C.C., Chiba, and Kallen slowly looked down at the speared pizza.

It was writhing. It shifted a bit more, pulling itself forward, allowing the blade to slowly cut it in two. It was PIZZA™, did those humans really think something as trivial as being shot at and stabbed was going to stop it? NEVER!!!

"Todou! Catch!" The man looked up just in time to see Zero being thrown at him. He easily caught the slight frame, reeling back slightly at the weight. He hadn't expected Zero to be so light. Todou set their leader down outside the room and turned to face C.C. They didn't have long before PIZZA™ got free.

"C.C.! Black case in the first drawer!" Zero barked. She nodded and quickly dove to the head of the bed and grabbed the aforementioned box. She made to jump but quickly turned and grabbed her favorite Cheese-kun plush. She jumped into Todou's arms. Catching her, the man quickly darted back out of the room as Kallen yanked to door close, just as PIZZA™ freed itself from the blade.

The group stared silent at the door for a long moment.

"…Should we gas it?" Chiba asked carefully. Zero and C.C. shared a look.

"No. Evacuate the hall and call Lakshata." Zero murmured as the two turned and made to leave the hall.

"W- wait!" Kallen shouted, reaching out to lightly grab Zero by the arm. "What…what are you going to do?" she asked.

"We're going to bomb it, of course." C.C. stated.

"You all have an hour to take anything of importance from the hall." Zero added.

"You're going to blow up the whole hallway?!" Chiba asked incredulously.

"Of course not." Zero said calmly. "We're just bombing the room. The evacuation is in case the blast range is larger than expected."

With that the two accomplices continued on their way. Once they were out of listening distance, Lelouch's eyes narrowed.

"Never again." He growled out.

"Right." A pause, "At least not near our room."

"Deal." C.C. tilted her head to look up at the ceiling as she walked.

"You gonna erase their memories?" she asked, giving him a side long stare.

"After it's gone." He muttered.

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**Okay… so how was that? I really love PIZZA™,** **so you might see it in another story one day.**

**Anyway, I plan to have Vindication of an Evil Angel up this weekend. I just had to do this first because I already had it thought out.**

**Please Read and Review.**

**Or PIZZA™ will get you….MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!**


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